All my life I know I’ve been different. I have never been one to just blindly follow along everyone else, even when all outward appearances were telling the world I was just one of the crowd. My closest friends knew I was different a long time ago, and we remained friends – we still are. I guess I just grew up with a different set of values than most of the world. I was one for treating people equally and fairly, despite any differences between us and enjoyed the little things in life rather than just rush blindly past the world to get where I was going. While most would eat in their homes or go to a restaurant, I would take takeout and go sit by the underpass, or on a rooftop, or along a ditch. Maybe that’s one of the good things about growing up in a small area – it gives you time to contemplate who you are and what you want to be.
I know I’ve always thought of myself as being unique – not one to follow the crowd. I did enjoy quite a few things that everyone else did. I enjoyed (and still do) playing videogames (even though now I play them at home since arcades are pretty much dead), I enjoy bowling (even though I hardly get the chance to go as much as I used to), and I enjoy art & fashion (anyone who knows me would know this for sure). As I grew up, I realized that I wanted to experience more and really enjoy life, so I gathered around friends who showed me more about what life has to offer. No, not things that require alternative substances or a prescription, but just going out and exploring the world around me.
After I graduated high school, I ended up meeting friends, and then friends through friends who ended up being a very close circle, because we are all unique people in our own ways. Some friends have lasted, while some have gone their separate ways. As time went on, I realized that I wouldn’t be happy just following behind others – I had to establish my own identity, so I did.
One thing I have found is that my love of art and music have been my constant companions. I find artists – both visually and aurally, that speak to me with their own unique sound, emotion, and energy. Again, it doesn’t follow the mainstream – it varies around and usually in unexpected places. Some call me unique for this – others a hipster – others a freak. Whatever the name, label, or reason, I am who I am, and I always will be.
Coffee…….many have said it’s a wonderful thing – something that jump starts many people’s days and helps them cope with the longer ones. They claim it’s the “nectar of the gods” and the “fountain of youth”.
To me….it’s hot brown water that’s all kinds of bitter and yuck. Now this isn’t to say I haven’t tried to like it. I’ve had it latte-style, with whipped cream, and flavored a number of ways (including chocolate), and every single time, that bitter coffee taste hits the back of my tongue and it’s pretty much game over. I know it’s an acquired taste. Sadly, it’s one thing I’ve never acquired – not even with a rocket-propelled butterfly net. That taste sensation just evades me every single time.
The same goes for most types of tea. I’ve tried green tea, black tea, chai tea, and loose tea – none of them have a very potent taste to them that I can get into. I suppose the only type I’ve ever been able to stomach is sweet lemon tea. I can even do sweet lemon green tea, but the regular teas have such a light flavor that it just escapes me.
I guess it’s all those years of drinking cold carbonated beverages that have ruined it for me, but then again, I know people who can’t stand those either, so I guess we’re even.
I read a post recently from a friend, that now, makes a lot more sense than it’s done before. I’m not naming names as to who posted it originally because…..well….it was in the past.
“I’m living in the now. I’m not living in the past. Some people want to hold onto some past moments maybe because they aren’t happy in the now. Nostalgia. An escaping spot. I don’t do that. The past happened. And it was true back then. but it’s not here any more. And it’s no longer a truth to me in this moment. I don’t have any past moments that I want to hold onto. I never felt euphoric in the past. So I don’t have any moments that I want to hold onto. I’m aways seeking greater moments. To me, the past is a faded memory. I don’t live with it.”
I’m going to just make peace with my past, and then move on. I shouldn’t carry around this baggage with me because it’s not healthy and all it does it hold me back. I was thinking about how I’m going to deal with today because of what happened a year ago, but then I imagined that same voice saying “Hey! Why are you living in the past like this? That happened in the past – it’s not now. Let it go.” – and it makes sense.
One thing that a lot of people tend to realize all throughout life, is that they will find out who their real friends are, and which people are merely passing acquaintances. Everyone has their own standards and precepts as to who qualifies as a real friend and who is an acquaintance. Some people take them even a step farther and deem them as being part of a “close circle” or “inner circle” of friends – these are the type that you trust beyond reproach and have come to know them as close as family.
With some people, it’s easy to tell – others……not so much. You also have those you *think* are your friends, but then something goes sideways and you end up getting betrayed in some fashion or another. This hurts quite a bit, and naturally it does, but in the end, you end up learning from such experiences. With me, I have quite a few acquaintances, a number of friends, and then there is that small circle that I consider true friends, or my “inner circle”. I have a pretty esoteric list of qualifications that deem who is all part of that circle – sometimes I’m not even sure that it remains constant from day to day – it’s more of a feeling as to who I really feel is part of that piece of my life.
Sometimes I have come to trust people and be honest with them, only to find out that they are not as open back to me, and they tend to shrug me off or treat me as some sort of cancer that has attached to them, and then they leave. Yeah……..those tend to suck. As the years have gone by, I have started to care less and less what people think of me and how I choose to live my life, but then there are those who I still have to bottle up part of my life around, and that’s pretty much unavoidable. I mean, you can’t have everything be perfect in life, now can we?