After the past year or so, I’ve had to re-evaluate parts of my life.
I went through a period of grief, depression, and blaming myself for not being there enough before my mother passed away. It’s hard for anyone, I guess, but later on in life, it gets to be a harder and harder blow to deal with. I’ve been told that I need to forgive myself, there is nothing I can do about it in the present, and it will get better. For the most part it has, but of course there are those times once in a while when the wound seems to rip open fresh and it’s like it just happened all over again.
There are a lot of days when I feel my “creative engine” has run out of gas, and trying to find a filling station is like trying to find a drop of ink in an ocean. I’m just not as much of a doodlebug as I used to be. It bugs me seriously, but then when I put my pad of paper in front of me, I find it hard to come up with an inspiration a lot of the time……..and that bugs me too.
Am I just sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I don’t think I am, but perhaps I’ve just lost my direction – or something like that. I’m not looking for any pat on the shoulder or the “it’ll get better” speech. I think this is just something I’ll need to work out, but I really should do that soon. I still have the things around me in my life that mean something – my faith, family, friends, and a few of my favorite things to do. At least that’s something. I am thankful for all of the positive things that have happened in my life, whether I realized they were at the time or not, and the downturns have kept me thinking, and finding ways of turning stuff around.
It’ll get there.