Finding Faith

Sometimes you just have to find your faith on your own, and as I look back on my early life, I figured out why.  I remember when I was little, I went to Sunday School while my parents went to regular services upstairs – this was at that little white church on S. Durland in Laurel.  I had a children’s book of bible stories from the Old Testament, but back then, I didn’t fully grasp it.

As I grew older, being an 80’s teen, I listened to a lot of music on the radio, and enjoyed Cyndi Lauper quite a bit.  I was riding my bike around, and one of the local police officers we all knew looked down at my shirt, and said I shouldn’t wear such things, as they are not pleasing to God.

I thought this was odd, as I remember other people saying “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”, and “Judge not, lest ye be judged”.  Well, who was this guy judging me?  As far as I knew, wearing album art was not written as being unpleasing.  After my parents stopped going to church, I did as well.

It wasn’t until I was 13 before I actually went to a church again, but those days were a far better experience.  I found people who were loving and happy to share experiences.  Some people still judged things, such as what music I listened to though.  I didn’t understand why, but then that was back in the days when people were playing records backwards to see if there were Satanic verses being uttered.

Now, if you have ever done this, admittedly, it does sound pretty freaky, but you could have anyone singing the same lyrics, and it still sounds freaky sometimes.  Do I really believe Satan is influencing these people?  To me, I really have no idea.  All I know is….you end up replacing record needles much more frequently when you do this.

One day, I had a couple of missionaries come up to my door, asking if I knew Jesus.  Well, I learned quite a bit from what I knew growing up, so I knew Him somewhat.  These people tried to witness to me about what they teach, which was Mormonism.  After listening to what they had to say, I knew this did not go along with what I was taught, so after they left town, I knew they were trying to do good by what they believed, but it just didn’t jive with the Bible.

Even today, I really don’t swallow the whole Book of Mormon thing.  That’s just me though.

Nowadays, so much religion is getting very political, and I don’t believe it was ever meant to be a political platform.  People say “Well, you aren’t  (x) unless you do (y)” even.  Why the different denominations, even?  There are times recently that I wish I knew those ancient languages and had access to the original scrolls, because we know the Word has been translated and re-translated countless times according to whoever is in charge at the time.

What do I believe as far as what He wants for us?  Essentially, love one another as He loves us.  To love Him with all your heart.  To basically be good people, and practice being good as well as teaching others.  The Old Testament teaches us the history of our world, and what the Lord had planned for us.

Then, the New Testament shows us the life of His son, Jesus, and what His plan is for us from that time forward.  There will be those who disagree with me, and I respect that.  Do I hate you for that?  No.  Hate is such a dark emotion, and it just sucks the life out of you.

I have faced what to me was heart-wrenching tragedy in my life in recent years, and a good friend told me I should pray and ask for Him to be there for me to help fill the huge hole in my heart, and He certainly did!  Sometimes it takes deep personal tragedy to make you see what is important, and when I looked back on the pattern of my life and where I have been, I realized……He has ALWAYS been there for me, even when I wasn’t actively seeking Him out.

I am in the place I was meant to be.  It took moving about on a journey, but when I returned, I ended up being where I was needed.  I feel I was guided back, even if I didn’t see it before.

We don’t always know where our lives will take us, but I do know this…..I have the best pilot anyone could ever want.

It is what it is

I’m working on ideas for cleaning and re-organizing my room, and as I look around, I see what I can enjoy and what I can’t.  Do I blame anyone or anything?  No.  Why?  Well, it all comes down to what happens due to choices.  I’ve realized that when I chose to return to Montana, that there would be consequences for this choice – probably the biggest one is that sometimes you just cannot be who you want to be.  I spent many years fighting the normalcy of what is around me, and truth be told, I’m actually getting tired of fighting.  I’m not the twenty-something, skinnier, more fashionable person I thought I was, and you just can’t go back to the past, so maybe it’s just time to let it go.

It’s like the title of that album by The Smiths…..the queen is dead.  Unless I plan on living every day at The Loft (I do adore the place, and it’s a place I feel welcome), then I may as well accept that my lifestyle doesn’t really work out well in many places I go to on a daily basis.

I am still a creative person in my opinion, but I guess I’ll just have to find more outlets to be expressive – or different ones.

Maybe I just need to purge what is no longer useful and make space for the future instead of living in the past.  I’m sure many people go through this in middle age, so I doubt I’m the only one to have this epiphany.

I don’t want anyone to feel bad or sorry for me.  I’m not really depressed about this, but perhaps it’s time to stop being ignorant, and realize that I need to be in the now.  There are other ways to be unique, and perhaps I just need to embrace those more.  Besides…..there is still Halloween.

Will I give up everything?  No, not really, but I need to be more realistic about what will work for me, and what will not.  I still have options.  I still have my three F’s – faith, family, and friends – and that’s more important than any material thing.

Offending the Offenders?

It seems one of the new catch phrases of the current millennium is “I’m offended by (x)”.

Now……..(x) could be just about anything – from a holiday, to a group of people, to a lifestyle…..just about anything that someone could pick up a vibe on and decide to go all nutso about.

Maybe it’s a new “in vogue” thing – a fad that the current generation is going through in the same vein that we did when we wore bell bottoms and flowers in our hair.  It doesn’t seem to matter what it is – someone will pick it apart and find that one “offensive” nugget to chant a war cry about.

You don’t like the food being served in a restaurant?  Scream you’re offended that it wasn’t just perfectly done to your satisfaction, and demand it all be for free!
You don’t like someone celebrating their favorite holiday?  Yell that you’re offended because it distracts you from enjoying your holiday (which may offend the first person that you yelled about).
You don’t approve of someone’s lifestyle?  Go on a tirade that this person is impinging upon your belief system, and the mere presence of this person will shake your faith down to the very core and destroy it utterly!
Did your clothes that you just bought fit a little snugly?  Go bark at the defenseless cashier behind the counter that you want a refund AND a new set of clothes because you had to take time out of your oh-so-busy schedule.

The big lynching pin in most of what is striking up rounds of anger is all based on the whole religion/belief system circular arguments.  Then again, that sort of thing has been a hot button topic for longer than just about all of us have been alive on this planet!  Well, I’ve been coming up with my own responses to many of those types of blasts of rage:

If you don’t like the way I look, then don’t look!  Be somewhere else!

If you don’t like my beliefs – fine.  I didn’t ask for your permission or approval.  Did I ask you to shove the (insert random religious text here) book in my face?  Nope!  Begone!

Did I solicit your opinion of the store I’m about to walk into?  No?  Then get out of my way or you may find shopping cart tracks going up the center of your behind and back.

My lifestyle causes you to be uncomfortable?  Well, then perhaps you shouldn’t hang around.  I’ve spent too many years of my life compartmentalizing who I am, and it’s getting tiring opening and closing all of those closet doors, so I took a hammer to ’em – so THERE.

Does my holiday offend you?  Well, I am going to celebrate it anyway – just as you have the freedom to celebrate yours.  I guess we’ll have separate holiday parties then, because I’m getting ready to put up my tree and we’re having turkey!

We are all brothers and sisters – all living on the same planet that has been made for us, and that we have been a part of for a very long time, and since it looks like the space program has ground to a halt for the time being, we’d best learn how to get along and perhaps find some common ground.  I’m still waiting for my UFO ride, by the way…………just in case you are listening or reading from many miles away.

Rimrock Mall Memories

One of the locations that still brings back memories of happier, simpler times is the mall.

A mall is pretty much a building (for inside) or area (for outside) where groups of stores, shops, and other services are in close proximity to each other in order to make it easier to do shopping.  Malls are also designed for social interaction in a limited fashion, although mainly for discussing what you bought at the store you just strolled out of.

One of the malls I remember the most is Rimrock Mall.  Growing up in the Laurel & Billings, Montana area, you have to remember that most young kids didn’t really have much to do but get into trouble, join Boy/Girl Scouts, do after-school activities, stay home, or go shopping.  The mall provided an entertaining outlet for people to congregate at and have some fun.  This mall had many great stores that I remember – many of which have since closed down or changed into something less memorable.  I remember quite a few stores that have dried up or mutated into other forms………..

Hipster Doogan – A place where you could get an ice cream bar, freshly dipped in chocolate and rolled in nuts.  A simple delight that was well worth visiting.  It was where Fudd’s is now in the food court.

Orange Julius – It’s back in the mall now, but much smaller than it used to be.  It used to have its own seating area, along with a limited food menu, along with one flavor of julius – orange.  Well………it was called Orange Julius for a reason – right?

Clowntown – This was a child’s dream toy store.  It had such memorable toys like Capsela, Robotix, Rom the Spaceknight, and other cool, trendy toys & games.  Sadly, it was higher-priced than some shops, but it had that cool small toy store vibe.  Sadly, that store has long since vanished.

McDonald’s – Yes, I know this store is nothing new for the west-end of Billings, but it used to live in Rimrock Mall as well.  In fact, it was the only two-story store in the entire mall – not even the anchor stores have two levels!  It had an upper level that allowed you a view of the mallway where you could see the people flocking about.  Sadly, this has evaporated, and every store is back to single-level only.

Aladdin’s Castle – Anyone who has ever lived in Billings or the surrounding areas can tell you the many stories of goodness that was this particular arcade.  It existed during the golden years of the arcades back in the 80’s – a dark aisle, highlighted by the glow of neon and many arcade screens.  It also boasted a video jukebox that played popular music videos of the day.  For a time, they even had events after regular hours where you paid a fee for an hour of unlimited play, which was pretty darn cool.  This was the place where I actually played the game Dragon’s Lair for eight hours on one credit.  Yes………it is true.  I even rolled the score 3 times.  Too bad I didn’t have a video camera to capture that!

Video Showcase – This was an upscale video store that featured video tapes for sale, as well as game systems, VCR’s, and TV’s.  I still have a memory of this 25-inch console TV with big stereo speakers in a wood-grain cabinet………..all for the low, low price of………….$10,000.  Yes…….it was really that much.  Heck…VHS movies were going for $50-80 back then too, so it made sense……..sort of.

Suncoast – My favorite anime mecca when it was in operation in the mall. This was a more recent store, but I remember it mainly for the huge anime and laserdisc selection.  I really enjoyed this store, and was sad when it closed.  I still have my laserdisc player though.

Rimrock Theatres – It was great to be able to see a movie after shopping, and never have to leave the mall.  It started off as the Rimrock 3 Theatres – later changed to 4 screens, and then 5!  Too bad they don’t have a theatre in the mall anymore – it was a rather nice thing!

The anchor stores have also changed over the years.  In the beginning, you had Hennessy’s, Herberger’s, Montgomery Ward’s, and The Denver.  When The Denver moved out, JCPenney moved in.  When Ward’s closed up shop, Dillard’s went in.  Hennessy’s closed, and JCPenney took over that spot, and Dillard’s took over the spot JCPenney occupied for its second store.  The only anchor store that has never changed or moved location…….is Herberger’s.  Go figure!

People who went to the mall a lot, and had an adventurous spirit, hardly ever went into or out of the mall through the main entrances.  Those who were savvy used the service entrances and back hallways to avoid the crowds – especially during the busy season.  Heck……..sometimes, I still use those!

The stores that are currently in the mall now, while not entirely bad, are just not as eye-catching as they used to be, and just don’t have the draw like they used to.  Does this mean I’m too old for malls?  Nah – just means that my tastes aren’t aligned to the current offerings they currently have.  I still enjoy the mall though, so I don’t think I’ll give it up anytime soon.

A Soap By Any Other….Language.

When I was growing up, my mom and our relatives often times got sucked into soap operas and other dramas.  Being young at the time, I was just not into those “day in the life” dramas – thought they were kinda boring really….and there were a TON of them, from Guiding Light (ran for 75 years, starting off on the radio), One Life To Live, General Hospital, and the list goes on and on.

People we know in mainstream media got their start on soaps, like John DeLancie, who is now known for Star Trek and My Little Pony – even Danny Trejo was on them.  Anyway…..years later, I find myself getting sucked into some…..just not from here.  Here are two of my favorites….

Tokyo Love Story
This is one of Japan’s most famous dramas – and it’s only 11 episodes long! 
It tells the story of Kanchi Nagao, who grew up in a rural town, along with his school friends Rika, Kenichi, and Sekiguchi.  Kanchi moves to Tokyo, and gets a job in a sporting goods store, where our bubbly gal Rika works, and shows him the ropes.  Kenichi is a playboy who is trying to win over Sekiguchi, who works at a school.  There is drama all around these four, but the story keeps you interested all the way up until the end.  Trust me…..it is well worth watching all 11 episodes, and can be found on DVD subtitled if you want to check it out.

Diya Aur Baati Hum
I started watching this show on Star Plus, even though apparently it started back in 2011.  This is the story of Sandhya Rathi, who tries balancing her life between being a wife to Suraj Rathi, and being an IPS police officer.  It gives some insights into Indian society and how much traditions are embraced.  The only way I’ve found to watch it and understand it is by watching it on Star Plus, which is subtitled.  I haven’t found any online or DVD sources for it that also have subtitles, but if I do, I may have to nab it so I can watch it from the beginning.

I suppose if these stories were done in English by American actors and actresses, I probably wouldn’t be interested in it, so I guess it makes sense I like it because it is from another country.  Well, that and Honami Suzuki (Tokyo Love Story) and Deepika Singh (Diya Aur Baati Hum) are easy on the eyes, as well as being excellent actresses.

Writing VS Typing

I grew up writing – first learning how to print, and then learning the fine art of cursive.  After many years, I’ve developed a pretty style, which I’ve been told is loopy or “girly” (yes, it does tend to look that way – thank you, stereotypes), but be that as it may, people are able to read what I write.

Ever since the start of the internet age, people have grown away from writing in favor of typing on keyboards and tapping on tablets because it’s faster and more convenient.  Yes…..the internet age is all about convenience, but at what cost?  What do we lose in the trade-off?

One of those things, in my opinion….being able to write by hand.  We rely so much on the keyboards and screens…..what would happen if we go where there are no computers, tablets,…..or internet?  What if the power went out?  What would we do?

Would today’s generation know how to read handwritten writing without a standard font?  Would they know how to communicate in a written medium?

I think there is a certain elegance in writing, and even further….in cursive.  When I went to school, I used to be graded on my penmanship – how well I could write.  In fact, one class had a teacher that would give you a zero on your paper if you printed rather than use cursive.  To her, it was important to have good skill in your cursive penmanship.  I find myself being grateful she was so strict in that regard.

Look on historical documents.  Can you imagine how boring the Declaration of Independence would be if John Hancock printed his signature rather than his iconic form?

Sadly, the internet & computer age is slowly causing us to lose yet another talent in favor of convenience.

Music Is Memory

I was listening to a tape called “Independence” by Iza tonight for a very simple reason – I could.

Why this tape?  Because for another simple reason – I hadn’t listened to it in quite some time.

One thing I have learned over the years is to never get rid of music that you find that you like – mainly because if you ever did, then it may be harder to find later on.  I find this is true even today in our digital age – some music is just too obscure to be found.

Remember the album “Bonk” by Big Pig?  I had to look for some time to find another copy on tape, but eventually did.  Surprisingly enough, these days you can find it on Amazon, eBay, and a few other places if you know where to look.  Simon F’s “Gun” album is another niche release, as are quite a few artists I listen to.  Most of the time, people ask who sings something, and then when I tell them, they still look puzzled, asking who that person or group is.

I know………people ask why I don’t listen to the radio these days.  I answer that it’s for the same reason I didn’t listen to much radio after the 80’s – there just isn’t much on that I find interesting.  The stuff that is usually played is popular to most of the current generation, and there isn’t anything relevant that is on there that really strikes any chords with me because too many current groups and artists are all sell-outs – just trying to make money with a record company, singing whatever the company tells them they need to sing about.  I think that’s why people even today like 80’s music – it was a decade where people were told to write and sing what they felt about, so more original music came out during those years than pretty much most since.

In our modern age, there are ways of preserving your memories rather than trying to make sure you dust off your VHS tapes and cassettes to try and make sure they don’t degrade – get them converted to digital, which is my plan.  That way, I can have the most esoteric and eccentric MP3 collection around (well……..at least around these parts).

Did We Gain More Than We Lost?

I think it’s something people tend to notice as they get into later years in life – how the world has changed around them, how they’ve changed along with it, and if the change is perceived as being a good thing or not.  I would say there have been some ups and downs when it comes to how things have changed.

Communication

We used to have to wait for a letter to reach its destination for a week or more at a time, but now we have e-mail, which is instant – as well as tons of social media outlets to plaster our thoughts to in order to share those thoughts and experiences with friends, family, and the world in general.

Transportation

At one time, we walked everywhere we went, then we learned to ride animals……..then along came vehicles, and we’re getting more places in a shorter amount of time.  Some would say this is a good thing because we can get to more places faster than ever before, but have we lost something in the trade-off?  Have we lost the ability to enjoy the journey?  I look around these days, and see fewer and fewer people using things like walking or riding bicycles……..at least here in our country.  If you look about other countries, you still see many people walking or riding bikes – or maybe that’s just the section of the country that I choose to live in.  It’s great that we can see more places in our lives, but I often wonder what wonders we may have zipped by.  Every once in a while, as the old saying goes……..you should stop and smell the roses.

I’m also reminded of the quote from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off:  Life moves pretty fast.  If you stop every once in a while and look around, you might miss it.

Music/TV/Movies

When it comes to areas that are described to be the “liberal arts”, I think the advances we have made have brought forth a more profound positive impact.  When the home movie market first started, video tapes were insanely expensive, and the players equally so.  We used to have to wait years (if ever) for a movie to come out in a home market, but now it seems movies come out for home consumption within a very short amount of time, and in increasingly higher resolutions and formats.  TV shows that were once lost to viewers who didn’t see them when they were first-run are making a comeback so people can experience them (as long as said shows are still able to be distributed and were not lost to the ravages of time).

Music is a big one for me.  I love music, and always have.  After my teen years, I started to expand my music horizons, and started looking for the “good energy” sound, which often times was never played on the radio – or at least, again, never here where I am.  The problem with some more obscure stuff is that it tends to be released in short supply, and then goes “out of print” after that.  You would write to the music companies, only to be told that there was not enough demand so they were not interested in re-releasing it – or you would have to scour used music shops in an often futile effort to find what you wanted.

Then, in the 90’s, thanks largely to the internet, along came the peer-to-peer networks, using such services as Napster (the one that started it all), followed by many flavors along the same theme.  People rejoiced about being able to share music, videos, and the like, but this had some negative repercussions from the music and movie industries, so there were struggles for a time.  Thankfully, there came about services that started offering this service legally, so that way artists and movie companies could be compensated for downloading such material.  Now more people can partake of much, much more than they used to.  Books also fell into line, what with eReaders and online reading, which again, made this material accessable to many more people.

So some things have been enriched by advances in modernization, but there are still some small areas that we have lost something in the trade-off, but it’s a choice we have made, choose to stick to, and continue to live with.  Where that path goes, only time will tell……..but at least the majority of the progress has been a good one…..just be sure to stop every once in a while, look around, and take notice of where you are.

I’m Tired Of It: Hey…..I’m NOT Too Old To Be Me!

There is one thing that continues to irk me to no end, and that’s younger people telling the previous generation that they are too old to do what they enjoy.

Ummm………EXCUSE ME??  Where do you get off trying to tell me how to live my life?  Do I tell you how to live yours?  You see it all the time.  They assume that once you’re past a certain age that you cannot be as outrageous as you were in your youth.  I say if you can pull off a look or be as actively creative as you were 20 years ago, more power to you!  I will be the first to give props to the older punk in their 50’s, 60’s, or later who can still rock a mohawk and wear a leather jacket.  To me, that means they still have plenty of life left in them, and should be allowed to be happy and live their lives.

Now this isn’t to say you should go further than you are able to, but if you are, then don’t listen to those upstart whippersnappers – go out and LIVE!  When you hit 60, do you think you’re ready for the retirement home?  I’ve seen more and more elderly that are still out and about with as much pep as they did 40-50 years ago – yay to them!  I hope I have as much energy when I get to be THEIR age!

We do have one huge advantage of being up in years – we have accumulated many more stories to tell the newer generations about what we did when we went out and had fun – and no………I’m sorry, but sitting around computers playing World of Warcraft or Halo deathmatch just doesn’t equate.  People who are active tend to be happier, healthier, and even tend to live a bit longer than those who give up and become couch potatoes.  If you are a creative person, then BE creative!  Figure out new ways of creative things to do – learn a new craft, make a new project, heck…….even check out some new music to enjoy!

When I retire, if I still feel like getting into my denim goth duster with my cushiony platform boots and want to go out and jam to some music, then that is my right, and I should be just as free to have fun like the younger set does.  Heck……..I went out recently to my favorite club, and there was an older gent cruising about, dancing on the dance floor and having a grand time!  He had energy to spare!  I was rather impressed with this person and proud that they CAN still move about like that.  He should be an example to others to not give up your happiness just because of how many years have passed since you were born into this world.  Go out and ENJOY!

A Milestone Year

People get times in their lives that are milestones – points of significance that feel meaningful.  I think this year is going to be one of those.

Things I’m happy about this year are I’ll have been a homeowner for five years and been in the same career for ten years.  These are unprecedented things for me, because before my house, I’ve always rented. 

Some people prefer renting, but for me, it’s always been a dance of uncertainty.  You never know if your rate is gonna go up, if the property would get sold, or just arbitrary rent increases for no reason.  Once I got into buying, a lot of those worries subsided.  I got a good rate, and it won’t take 30 years to pay off!

A long career is also something special for me.  Before the one I have now, the longest I was in any one place was about 3 1/2 years – and I thought that was good.  All of my previous jobs fell into one of two camps: the pay is good, but the job sucked – or the job is good, but the pay sucked.  At least I have one now where both are good.  When you find one of those, hang onto it for all its worth, because they are rare these days!

Of course, we have many milestones all throughout our lives, and each one gives is meaning in one way or another.  Next year I’ll have been married for two decades, so I can see another awesome milestone on the far horizon shining already!  Make each year special, and celebrate those milestones!